A few weeks ago, I asked for submissions for the Stupidest Boat Names and I was not disappointed. These are beauties. Thank You! This would not of course had been possible without the support of the awesome Scuttlebutt.
I have tried to categorize them and they have been unscientifically grouped in a totally subjective way that made sense to me after a few beers. I haven't figured my 3 favorites yet but when I do the submitters get CDs of the Top 10 Sailing Songs.
The original list, culled from several web sites, is in the extended posts. If you have any other names to suggest, I will happily add them. Here they are:
Appalling Puns
"Hot Ruddered Bum"
"Si yes da"
"L.L. Boat"
"Sail Bad The Sinner"
"Bow Down"
"Sexual Heeling"
"Ahoy Vey"
"Yacht Sea"
"Makin' Luff"
Financial
"A Crewed Interest"
"Myovadraft"
"The Loan Ranger"
"Colin's Tuition"
Medical
"Biopsea"
"Irritable Bow"
"Bow Movement"
"Sir Osis of the River"
"Vitamin Sea"
"Autopsea"
Sophomoric
"Breakin wind"
"Blow Me"
"Poopy Express"
"Master Baiter"
"My Assiss Dragon"
"Wet Dream"
"Norwegian Woody"
Questionable on a Sailboat
Seen on a Catamaran, "Double Penetration"
"Spank Me" (Raceboat. Imagine the T-Shirts)
"Cunning Stunts"
"Rumple IVskin"
Aquamorons
"Blue Vein Throbber"
"Four Play"
"Sea Clit"
"Seaduced Too"
"Hoosier Daddy"
"Dixie Normous" (they wish)
"Lucky Sperm "
"Show Me The Money"
"Floating Seamen"
"Nauti Lust"
"La-Sea"
Clever
"Maid of Plywood"
"DILLIGAFF" which stands for Do I look like I give a flying f....
"If it doesn't come when you call it, why name it" (An Olympic Trial Finn)
"Weazel" with a tender called "One Eye"
"Change Order" and the dinghy named: "original contract"
"WOFTAM" waste of f'n time and money!
"Miss America" (Nothing as embarrassing as calling into the race committee to get a slip and saying, Race Committee, this is Miss America" or having to wear the shirts!)
"Time and Money"
"Head First"
"Sea Cup" (Skippered by a woman)
"Runs With Scissors"
"Support the Right to Arm Bears "
Relationships
"Don't tell the wife" How about that on a Mayday? Mayday, Mayday, Don't tell the wife!
"Alternative Girlfriend"
"Mom's Mink"
"FUJIMO" - (F___ You Jane, I'm Moving Out ...
"She Got the House"
"Pissed N Broke"
Obscure
"Dances with Sheep" (Kiwi Boat)
"The World's Largest Prairie Dog"
"Shoot Low They're Riding Chickens"
I am not making this up
There was a yacht at the Arun Yacht Club called "Passing Wind." About 10 miles to the west is the Looe Passage, around SDelsey Bill, West Sussex. A crew member was hit by the boom,and the owner called out the coastguard. "What is your name and position?" "We are Passing Wind, in the Looe"
Top 10 Stupid Boat Names
A while ago, I came across the Top 10 Boat Names according to Boat US. Many of them are plain stupid, not least the #1 boat name, Aquaholic. Pu-lease!
In doing a bit of digging around, I found some other dumb names for a boat. Panbo had some great ones like the one pictured here. Imagine calling Mayday on your VHF in this boat.
Bernie Ebbers, the jailed former CEO of Worldcom's yacht was called Aquasition. He deserved time for that alone.
I thought it might be a good wide to come up with the top 10 Stupidest Boat names.
Here are some other beauties I found pecking around:
- a Little Nauti
- Adoryble (On a Cape Dory Typhoon)
- All Gulls and No Buoys
- All my Ex's (on a stinkpot so had it coming)
- Bad Atti-toad
- Bada-bing-bada boom (another aquamoron)
- Banker's Hours
- Bay Bay
- Baysic Necessity
- Beaverlicious (hmm! interesting)
- Beer Bait n 'Ammo
- Bezerker (a little scary as it was on a Hallberg Rassy)
- Better Knot
- Between the Sheets
- Big E Nuf (amazingly this was a sailboat. Probably motored a lot)
- Bikini Bottom
- Bimini Cricket
- Bite Me (on a fishing boat)
- Knotty Boys (at least it wasn't knotty buoys)
- Messing About (what an excellent name for a boat)
- Gravyboat
- Bottoms Up
- Boat-acious
- Buoys in the Hood
- Learning Curve (written upside down on a sailboat)
- Sea-duction
- Sea ya
- Loon-a-sea
- Cur-n-Sea
- SeaRenity
- Tip Sea
- Seanile
- X2Sea
- LegaSea
- Itza -Du-Zea (Oyvay)
- Tax Seavation
- Slipless in Seattle (now that's clever)
- Feelin Nauti (I bet you are)
- Nauti Girl
- Nauti & Nice
- Reel Nauti
- Nauti Nurses (I think most of the Eastern Fleet would show up if they ran into trouble)
- Nauti Intentions (OK now I am going to throw up)
Y'Ought too!
Posted by: Andy | September 29, 2009 at 08:56 PM
When I bought my dinghy, my wife and friends instisted that I name it. Originally I was thinking "Pinwheel" in deference to my sailing technique, but "Swell" won out. I called it that because:
Yachties are "swells".
My friends and family are swell.
I like to sail on swells.
...and finally, that what my lower body does when I kiss my boat goodnight! _/)
Posted by: vaespeter@hotmail.com | January 27, 2010 at 05:26 PM
In Wisconsin in the 1970s there was an E-Scow with "HELP" painted upside down on the transom.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM | March 08, 2010 at 07:29 PM
what about "Astamouth"? Works best in a frilly, pretentious script.
Posted by: JF | April 05, 2010 at 05:13 PM
There is a boat in Brighton marina called Costa Lotta. How Cringe-worthy!
Posted by: David | June 26, 2010 at 04:44 AM
how about MASTER BAITER
Posted by: KEN | August 12, 2010 at 03:31 PM
Blow Jib
Posted by: Dwain | August 19, 2010 at 03:37 AM
My 27' boat is appropriately called 'Floating A-Loan'
Posted by: jim | August 20, 2010 at 09:52 PM
How about "Harvey Wharfbanger"
or "Never Again II"
Posted by: mwires | August 31, 2010 at 12:32 PM
We once followed a yacht down the east coast of Australia. Every time the yacht did a radio check it was funny to hear the comments of the different radio operators. The boat was named "While you are down there"
Posted by: George Kennedy | November 14, 2010 at 01:01 AM
for a sailboat
Below Me
The e is silent
Posted by: s\fsaf | December 16, 2010 at 07:38 PM
So....What's your boat name?
Posted by: IDidYourMother | March 05, 2011 at 06:02 AM
what about AFTICA Another F**k'n Toy I Cant Afford
Posted by: Captain Mark | March 28, 2011 at 04:45 AM
I can't stop smiling after reading Nauti Nurses. I imagined a distress call being made and mentioning the name of the boat. I'll bet whoever answer that distress call is trying hard not to giggle while relaying the message.
Posted by: Mark Brown | April 20, 2011 at 03:37 AM
FUJIMO always drew a crowd at the Bayview/Mackinac race. I learned what BN meant when a crewmate said his dream was to BN on FUJIMO. hehe.
Posted by: Ed | April 28, 2011 at 05:03 PM
Ship for Brains
Grand Haven Michigan
Posted by: S Mahoney | April 29, 2011 at 09:52 AM
these are very funny
Posted by: michael | May 03, 2011 at 07:30 PM
I'm naming my boat and here are my top picks "Chum Lord", "Filthy Oar", "Lackamoolah", "My place oar yours", "Ship Faced", and "Happy Hooker"
Posted by: andrew | May 05, 2011 at 03:17 PM
I know a guy with a catamaran called "double penetration" makes me laugh every time i see it
Posted by: teen | May 13, 2011 at 02:17 AM
best thing I saw was a boat, I almost bought. He was a guy who flying11 and was tryin to sell it was a mate of mine who has spent most of his time in the piss. Then he painted the bottem part of the hull was under water bright yellow and called "Sunnyside Up"
Posted by: גני אירועים בחיפה | May 30, 2011 at 01:11 AM
I am buying my first sailboat in a couple weeks. Already have a name picked out for it "The Stabbin' Cabin"
Posted by: Tommy | June 01, 2011 at 03:16 PM
What about the racing boat named "Sofa King Fast"? (You have to say it fast, and out loud.)
Posted by: Sims McGrath | June 14, 2011 at 10:25 PM
The largest vending machine owner in Michigan (owning a large company with tens of thousands of machines in three states) has a yacht named "Just Quarters".
Posted by: Chris | July 11, 2011 at 09:22 PM
One name for a sail boat I did not see here is " Bewinched "
Posted by: A.janssen | July 12, 2011 at 06:18 PM
WOW, I was just talking aobu tthe "Shoot low, they're riding Chickens" boat! AWESOME! Would love it if anyone had a picture of it!
Posted by: cinbadl | August 15, 2011 at 05:01 PM