Messing About In Sailboats

George Carlin on Sailing

He will be sadly missed, although he wasn't much of a sailor:

"Sailing isn't a sport. Sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the f*** should sailing be a sport?" George Carlin

Song for Friday: Eddie Izzard - Cake or Death

OK, not a song but lego animation to one of Eddie Izzard's funniest bits. It's my blog so tough! I am going to see him tomorrow.

This amused me

C/o of Bits and Pieces

Happy Easter

Motorboaters don't know jack: the proof (by Guest Author, Peter McGrath)

Ouch

Too Funny Not To Share

OK, this has nothing to do with sailing but a British friend of mine emailed this and it's very funny
=========================================

QANTAS PILOTS REPORT


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct & inspect the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

READ ON, THEY GET FUNNIER

US Navy vs Irish Coast Guard

As Tman pointed out the original story, posted a few weeks ago is apocryphal but it's still a great gag. Sail.ie, shouted out the following in their video section. Enjoy!

More Stupid Things heard on Channel 16

A few weeks ago I posted a story a friend told me about the dumbest thing they heard on Channel 16 while boating in Florida. Here are a couple more.

From the Beagle Blogger, Peter McGrath, heard in the Solent:

"Solent Coastguard this is motor boat Imbecile, I am aground, over."

"Motorboat imbecile, this is Solent Coastguard, have you tried your engines in astern. over?"

Long silence.

"Solent Coastguard, this is motorboat imecile.  We are no longer aground..."

And this classic from John Gilbert in Canada:

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.) 

Canadians:  Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision. 

Americans:  Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision. 

Canadians:  Negative.  You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision. 

Americans:  This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.  I say again,
divert YOUR course. 

Canadians:  No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. 

Americans:  THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.  WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE  DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT  VESSELS.  I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15  DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. 

Canadians:  This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Keep 'em coming.

Only in New York

Three guys from Brooklyn just got arrested for getting too close to Queen Mary 2 in ..get this, a fiberglass submarine that was a replica of a 1775 model called the "Turtle". One guy was in the sub and two were in a row-boat towing the vessel. This apparently was a weird performance art project. Right!

You can read more about this and see a newsclip here and here. My favorite comment is "Was Kramer in it?"

Hey Tugster, did you have anything to do with this?

According to police chief Ray Kelly: "... the Queen Mary 2 will be inspected to ensure the boat's integrity and Riley and the two other men may face further action, he chalked up the incident as a case of "marine mischief.""

Hey I thought Joe Rouse had the monopoly on that.