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Boat Names

March 18, 2008

Top 10 Boat Names 2008

Aquaholicbg Boat US released the Top 10 Boat Names and they are definitely no better than last year's. They pale in comparison to the imagination shown in the Really Stupid Boat Names. Here they are:

1. Black Pearl (methinks someone is trying to appease the family with all the $ spent on a boat rather than going to Disneyworld)
2. Liberty
3. Second Wind (more like full of...)
4. Amazing Grace
5. Aquaholic (did someone say Aquamoron)
6. Knot on call (Knot clever either)
7. Second Chance
8. Wanderlust
9. The Dog House (OK this one I like)
10 Carpe Diem or Seas the day (pu-lease)

December 10, 2007

Naming a Boat the Cockney Way

FrederickjamesfurnivallHow does a rowing boat get a name like "Pony off a Lemon"?

First let me digress. One of my favorite blogs is Cap'n JP. I love his accounts of life on the Thames as they make me nostalgic for London and my rowing days. I grew up close to the Thames and got into rowing as a teenager. I have always loved being on the water and had no access to sailing so rowing was a substitute.

A lot of people think that rowing, like sailing, is for posh people. Like sailing this is a misperception. It's actually very down-to-earth. One of the clubs I rowed for, Furnivall Sculling Club epitomized this. The club was started in the late 1890s by Dr James Furnivall, (pictured on the left) one  of the co-creators of the Oxford English Dictionary.  Furnivall was an  enthusiastic waterman. Here is what Wikepedia has to say about that:

Furnivall was always an enthusiastic oarsman, and till the end kept up his interest in rowing; with John Beesley in 1845 he introduced the new type of narrow sculling boat, and in 1886 started races on the Thames for sculling fours and sculling eights. In 1896 Furnivall founded the Hammersmith Sculling Club (now called Furnivall Sculling Club), initially for working-class girls, and he "entered into its activities with his usual boyish enthusiasm, for it brought together two of his favourite activities: vigorous outdoor exercise and enjoyment of the company of young women"

The last point was in keeping with his love life, which accounted for the twinkle in his eye, but I digress too far.

The club's membership was anything but posh. The atmosphere at the club was not like the "stick-you-arse" clubs further down river that will remain nameless. It was a lot of fun.

Every year, the club would buy a couple of new boats. Traditionally, new boats were named after past members. They had respectful but dull names like "Arthur Jones", "Geoffrey Swallows" or occasionally something a bit more rousing like "Triumph".

One year, the club bought a sleek new quad scull. This was a fast boat and would be crewed by four of the club's best rowers. 

Naming the boat fell to the crew and a couple of committee members. The traditional naming convention they got together in the pub to ..er brainstorm.

After a few pints of Fullers ESB, the whole notion of giving the boat some boring name after a past member went by the board. They started talking about the more inspirational things a cox would use to encourage the crew. One of them had heard a cox recently shout at the crew:

    "I want to you to make this boat move like sh*t off a shovel!"

The image was inspiring but even after a few beers, they agreed that "Sh*t off a Shovel" was probably not the best thing to paint on a boat's bow. Nick_june01

"How about using cockney rhyming slang?" suggested one of the party. (For those of you who don't know, Cockney Rhyming Slang is a London slang where you rhyme a word with two words and then shorten it. For example, stairs are apples and pears but abbreviated to apples. So you in London you go up the apples.)

They couldn't remember the rhymes for the words in "sh*t off a shovel" so they explored around it. They came up with using Cr*p off a Spade?  The cockney rhyming slang for Cr*p is Pony and Trap which abbreviates to Pony. The rhyming slang for Spade is Lemonade which shortens to Lemon.

So they decided to call the boat "Pony Off A Lemon" as in that boat moves so fast it goes like "a Pony (and Trap) Off a Lemon(ade)."

They kept the name a secret till its public unveiling on the following Sunday morning. Most of the club turned out. All were expecting a traditional name. I wasn't there but I wish I had seen the look on the faces of the spectators when they took the covers off.

Lovely!

October 22, 2007

Really Stupid Boat Names

Ship_20happens_small A few weeks ago, I asked for submissions for the Stupidest Boat Names and I was not disappointed. These are beauties. Thank You! This would not of course had been possible without the support of the awesome Scuttlebutt.

I have tried to categorize them and they have been unscientifically grouped in a totally subjective way that made sense to me after a few beers. I haven't figured my 3 favorites yet but when I do the submitters get CDs of the Top 10 Sailing Songs.

The original list, culled from several web sites, is in the extended posts. If you have any other names to suggest, I will happily add them. Here they are:

Appalling Puns
"Hot Ruddered Bum"
"Si yes da"
"L.L. Boat"
"Sail Bad The Sinner"
"Bow Down"
"Sexual Heeling"
"Ahoy Vey"
"Yacht Sea"
"Makin' Luff"

Financial
"A Crewed Interest"
"Myovadraft"
"The Loan Ranger"
"Colin's Tuition"

Medical
"Biopsea"
"Irritable Bow"
"Bow Movement"
"Sir Osis of the River"
"Vitamin Sea"
"Autopsea"

Sophomoric
"Breakin wind"
"Blow Me"
"Poopy Express"
"Master Baiter"
"My Assiss Dragon"
"Wet Dream"
"Norwegian Woody"

Questionable on a Sailboat
Seen on a Catamaran, "Double Penetration"
"Spank Me" (Raceboat. Imagine the T-Shirts)
"Cunning Stunts"
"Rumple IVskin"

Aquamorons
"Blue Vein Throbber"
"Four Play"
"Sea Clit"
"Seaduced Too"
"Hoosier Daddy"
"Dixie Normous" (they wish)
"Lucky Sperm "
"Show Me The Money"
"Floating Seamen"
"Nauti Lust"
"La-Sea"

Clever
"If it doesn't come when you call it, why name it" (An Olympic Trial Finn)
"Weazel" with a tender called "One Eye"
"Change Order" and the dinghy named: "original contract"
"WOFTAM" waste of f'n time and money!
"Miss America" (Nothing as embarrassing as calling into the race committee to get a slip and saying, Race Committee, this is Miss America" or having to wear the shirts!)
"Time and Money"
"Head First"
"Sea Cup" (Skippered by a woman)
"Runs With Scissors"
"Support the Right to Arm Bears "

Relationships
"Don't tell the wife" How about that on a Mayday? Mayday, Mayday, Don't tell the wife!
"Alternative Girlfriend"
"Mom's Mink"
"FUJIMO" - (F___ You Jane, I'm Moving Out ...
"She Got the House"
"Pissed N Broke"

Obscure
"Dances with Sheep" (Kiwi Boat)
"The World's Largest Prairie Dog"
"Shoot Low They're Riding Chickens"

I am not making this up
There was a yacht at the Arun Yacht Club called "Passing Wind." About 10 miles to the west is the Looe Passage, around SDelsey Bill, West Sussex. A crew member was hit by the boom,and the owner called out the coastguard. "What is your name and position?" "We are Passing Wind, in the Looe"

Continue reading "Really Stupid Boat Names" »

March 26, 2007

Top 10 Boat Names

According to Boat US the '2006 Top Ten List of Most Popular Boat Names:

1.) Aquaholic
2.) Second Wind
3.) Reel Time
4.) Hakuna Matata
5.) Happy Hours
6.) Knot Working
7.) Life is Good
8.) Plan B
9.) Second Chance
10.) Pura Vida

What a bunch of crap names. You can see the list of Really Stupid Names here.

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